Ask Reddit have some requests from the women they date.
1. Say what you mean! Don’t dance around an issue. Don’t make it a game. Be direct and just come out with it (in a non-assholish way). You could save yourself a lot of time, potential pain, or the escalation of an argument that wasn’t even on the table. That’s for both sexes.
2. Remember that love is a choice, not a feeling. Someone who loves you is going to treat you in such a way that you feel loved. If you don’t feel it, and he has no interest in doing things to make you feel loved, he doesn’t love you. He might have the hots for you, sure. That’s not love.
3. Longevity in a relationship is about compromises both ways. If the other one is the only one who always has to bend backward but you never do, you are not doing it right.
4. People change for their own reasons. Don’t get into a relationship with someone hoping he will change. Unless he wants to, it won’t happen.
5. Sometimes us men really are thinking about nothing, nothing whatsoever. If we say nothing it usually means nothing.
6. We don’t have to talk to consider it quality time.
7. When you are with your SO put the f#@%ing phone down. nothing gets to me more than having a set time to be together and her constantly checking texts, FB, Instagram… when I am with my SO my phone is on silent and stays in my pocket so I can be focused and engaged with her.
8. Most character traits that a guy has aren’t going away. People change throughout the course of a relationship, but fundamentally core behaviors and beliefs won’t budge. If you see a habit or trend you have to put up with that bothers you, ask yourself if you can put up with it forever. Relationships will have sacrifices, but don’t assume you’re willing to sacrifice your happiness forever to tolerate something, and don’t assume they’ll sacrifice theirs for you.
9. Even men like to be pampered and made to feel sexy. How you do that depends on your man, but we absolutely love it when we receive it.
10. Sometimes men need space to relax and play videogames with their buddies. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you but giving them some space is so important.
11. Care about their happiness as much as you care about your own… and don’t settle for a partner that doesn’t feel the same way about you.
12. If we compliment you, take the compliment, and don’t say anything like, “No I’m ugly,” “No I’m fat.” We’re complimenting you for a reason and it’s not because we have to.
13. If we say something seemingly offensive out of nowhere, ask what we mean instead of assuming the absolute worst thing that could be interpreted.
14. Little compliments are really awesome. Also, talk about what you want and don’t want, please (this goes for men and women). Good communication makes things so much easier.
15. If you hit or berate your boyfriend/spouse, that’s abusive. It doesn’t matter what gender the abuser is, and even if it doesn’t hurt physically it can really hurt mentally and emotionally.
16. We can’t read minds. Never think “we should know” what you want or are thinking.
17. If you want to be with someone else, dump your partner. Don’t pull that bullshit where you play the field while having a partner who you’re keeping on the backburner if things don’t work with your new crush. And sure as hell don’t string your partner along waiting for the “perfect moment” to break up with them while you’re fucking around with someone new. The best time to break up with your partner when you don’t want to be with them (especially if you want to be with someone new) is immediately, rip off the band-aid and get it over with.
18. Communicate clearly. Men don’t handle subtlety well.
19. Be the one who engages intimately once in a while. What I’d give to have a girlfriend reach out and touch me without me doing anything prior. Means a lot to a guy!
20. If you like a guy, not even head over heels, just if you appreciate being around them, just tell them!
We don’t ever really get compliments like this, so we often hold onto the ones we get for months, even years.
Tell your friends you love them, and care about them. It might mean nothing to you, but it means the world to us.
21. If you see a dude you like, go for it. I HATE the whole “only the man asks because that’s the masculine thing to do.” Nothing is hotter than a strong-ass woman who sees what she wants and takes it. Just call me Ron Swanson because powerful women are awesome to me.
22. The best advice I can give is you sometimes shouldn’t be friends with an ex or someone you rejected. You’re absolutely NOT doing them a favor you’re NOT letting them down easy. You’re dangling a dream in front of someone who will never get it. Cut contact and leave. You’re turning a broken heart into a festering one.
23. We enjoy a comfortable silence. Not every moment needs to be filled with meaningless talk.
24. Don’t treat your partner differently in front of other people than you do in private.
25. Why do people love dogs? Seriously, why? They don’t do much. They don’t work. They don’t do our taxes. They poop and don’t even clean up after themselves. The only thing dogs do is provide affection. That’s the answer. The secret to winning affection is to give it. All men want, all people want is to be wanted.
Do what dogs do and be excited, be happy to be near us, and we will race around the earth to steal you the sun.
26. Please don’t volunteer us to do something for someone else before asking.
27. Please stop ghosting me. It actually feels worse than being told the truth about how you feel.
28. When we say that we don’t care about something, like what color to paint the living room, what it means is that the outcome of the decision matters less than your happiness about the outcome of the decision.
29. Men also appreciate little displays of affection, like flowers, or a coffee, or something simple like that.
30. Probably my top advice for anyone in a relationship: DO NOT PLAY RELATIONSHIP GAMES!
Just say what you want, don’t make the other person guess, don’t make them try to win you over. Don’t play the silent game where they have to guess what they did wrong or guess how to fix things.
And, don’t “loyalty test” them or whatever crap. If trust is lacking, tests won’t fix them. Communication and trust will. If that doesn’t work, tests certainly won’t.
Just say what you want. If the other person genuinely doesn’t know and is trying, that’s okay. Don’t make it unnecessarily hard on them.