To The Friends I Don’t See As Much But Still Think Of All The Time

It used to be so much easier, didn’t it? The days where we were all in the same place. The times we took for granted, back when we never imagined we would spend more time apart than together. We may have realistically known that things would change, but that felt so far away. Like it could never really happen to us.

Until it did. Until we grew apart. Until the moments we spent by each other’s side grew less and less.

The truth is, sometimes life gets a little hectic. Sometimes priorities change. You think you’ll be ready for it, and even the idealistic part of you thinks your experiences will shift simultaneously. As kids, you remember planning weddings together, making sure you have kids at the same time. But life doesn’t work that way. Maybe they meet the love of their life while you’re still searching. Perhaps you just grabbed your dream job, and they’ve just had their first baby. Maybe you finally settled down, and they’ve moved across the country.

Sometimes things are as simple as “If people care for you, they will make time” and sometimes it’s as simple as “I am only one human being with so much to do, and I can’t do everything I desperately want to do.”

When we started growing apart, I could feel it. I didn’t want to. I wanted to believe that as long as we existed, we could always make room for each other. The sad truth is that you can try, but that isn’t always as easy as people make it sound. Life seems to come at you fast as if you blink and your whole world is different. It’s not as easy to work around schedules as it used to be. You do your best to open up space, and then things happen no money, sickness, unforeseen circumstances, and even just the weight of being a human who can’t do everything at once.

There are days where I wonder if we still matter to each other as much as we used to. That because we don’t have as much time or space, does this mean what we had was something youthful and fleeting- something that was only loved because it was right in front of our faces?

Despite everything I might be feeling, please know this: even if I haven’t seen you in a while, I think of you all the time.

I remember our late night dinner runs, our tv marathons on someone’s couch. I remember laughing so hard about stupid boys or crying over them. I remember cheering you on during your big moments, and holding your hand when you needed it. I remember you giving me your shoulder and encouragement when I was falling apart. I remember the promises we made to spend by each other’s sides and the excitement for each other with every new milestone we achieved. I remember who we were back then and the incredible people we became over the last several years. I remember that even when I felt unlovable, you showed me that wasn’t the case.

I remember it all, and I think about you all the time, even if it feels like I don’t these days.

I hope we do see each other again soon. I want to show you the person I’m becoming. To show you how I’ve grown and become an even better version of myself, even if you couldn’t always be there every moment to see it. I don’t know who I would be without you. I hope I never have to find out.

If I do, please know you’re the reason I know what genuine friendship is. You’re the reason I know what love looks like, and why I still believe in myself even when I don’t always want to. You’re why I don’t settle for friends who treat me as disposable. You’re why I’ll still laugh insanely hard when our memories pop up on my newsfeed, why a random song will take me back to those days we didn’t appreciate enough.

You’re the reason for so much, and I’ll still think about you for the rest of my life.

Even if I don’t get to see you as much as I want to.